Tomorrow is your birthday. It's the first one since you left. We're headed to the races to celebrate your life. I know we're supposed to spend the weekend remembering all the fun we had while you were living but the pain of missing you is unbearable.
It's been six months since we said goodbye and I still have days that feel like it's all just a bad dream. Daddy's doing better these days and I feel like I'm letting everyone down. It seems like just when things are settling down and returning to some sense of normalcy, I'm finding it harder and harder to maintain. I feel as though I've been holding it together for months and that it's finally catching up with me. I've had more breakdowns and shed more tears in the last 2 weeks than I've had since the first weeks after the funeral. I try to allow myself the grief and not be angry with myself for feeling... but it's hard.
I remember the strong willed woman you were. I see it in all of us. I see your temper flare up in Brother and in myself. Twice this week someone has said, "You sound just like your mother." There's no greater honor for me.
As we remember your life, I wish you could know how much we still miss you. Your faithfulness to your family and devotion to your mission as a wife and mother will forever be unmatched. You taught us how to love and live with No Regrets. Because of your life, I know I can cry tonight and carry on tomorrow.
Happy Birthday, Momma.
All my love,
B
